BUILT TO LAST
The current teaching series, known as Mr. and Mrs. Better Half, is now in its fourth season. This season, titled ‘Built To Last’, focuses on the theme of marriage and relationships. The decision to dedicate an entire month to teaching on this topic was influenced by the rising divorce rate in Nigeria. Recent studies have shown that divorce rates are increasing, especially in northern Nigeria. While exact statistics are not readily available, it is clear that the trend is on the rise.
In the past, divorce rates were often associated with Western countries, with the United States leading in divorce rates, even among churchgoers. However, recent research has shown that divorce rates in Nigeria are also increasing. This shift in trends can be attributed to various factors, including the influence of feminist movements and women empowerment messages. As women assert their rights and demand equality, the dynamics of marriage and relationships are evolving, leading to changes in divorce rates.
The rise in divorce rates in Nigeria is a complex issue that reflects broader societal changes. While the exact percentage of divorces in the country is not known, it is evident that the trend is moving upwards. The impact of development, women empowerment, and changing social norms all play a role in shaping the current landscape of marriage and relationships in Nigeria. As the country grapples with these changes, it is essential to address the underlying issues that contribute to the increasing divorce rates and work towards building stronger, lasting relationships.
One of the challenges we face as we progress in our development is the shift in societal norms. As we become more developed, things that were once considered taboo in our culture may start to become normal. One such example is the increasing acceptance of divorce and separation. In light of this, it is important to consider the response of the church to these changes. The church should respond by emphasizing sound scriptural teaching from the Bible. The Bible teaches that a man of knowledge will increase strength, and it is this sound scriptural teaching that will give us a balanced perspective on relationships and marriage.
It is crucial to recognize that life is all about perspective. Our perspectives shape our behavior and actions. To form a balanced perspective, we must allow the light of God’s Word to shine upon our path. This means seeking guidance from the teachings of the Bible and aligning our views with the principles it presents. It is easy to be influenced by the prevailing world view, which may be at variance with the scriptures. However, as believers, we must constantly check our perspectives to ensure that they are in line with the principles of Christ.
For believers, accepting Christ as our Lord and personal savior is just the beginning. We must also embrace and embody the principles of Christ in our lives. This extends to how we approach marriage and relationships. Working out our marriages in a way that reflects the principles of Christ is essential. This is not only relevant for couples, but also for singles and colleagues at work. Therefore, it is important to share these teachings with others and not keep them behind. The church has a significant role in imparting these principles to its members, and it is crucial to ensure that these teachings are not overlooked.
At the conclusion of this service, it is important to extend an invitation to someone to join us at church for this series. The purpose is to provide support and guidance to individuals who may be struggling with a narrow-minded perspective, particularly in the context of marriage. It is disheartening to hear individuals make derogatory comments about marriage, such as questioning the intelligence of women or belittling the significance of marriage. These individuals are often influenced by mentors who propagate such views, which are not aligned with the teachings of the Bible. It is imperative for such individuals to be exposed to the word of God and to be encouraged to attend church during this season.
I would like to commence this morning by reiterating some key points that are consistently emphasized in every Mr and Mrs Better Half series. The foundation of this message will be centered around the importance of building a strong and solid foundation in marriage. It is crucial to emphasize the foundational beliefs of the Elevation Church regarding marriage, which are firmly rooted in the scriptures. The scripture clearly states that “two are better than one,” emphasizing the value and joy that marriage is intended to bring. It is not meant to be endured, but rather to be enjoyed. Additionally, it is essential to recognize that marriage is a divine institution, originating from God’s design and not from human invention.
Furthermore, it is important to acknowledge that marriage is not a product of human intellect or societal norms, but rather a divine concept ordained by God. Therefore, it is imperative to approach marriage with a spiritual perspective, rather than relying solely on human wisdom or secular ideologies. The Elevation Church firmly believes in the sanctity and significance of marriage, and it is our mission to impart these foundational principles to our congregation. By emphasizing the biblical perspective on marriage, we aim to dispel misconceptions and erroneous beliefs that may have been perpetuated by societal influences. It is our hope that individuals will be enlightened and inspired to embrace the divine purpose and joy of marriage, as intended by God.
In Genesis 2:18, the Bible states that God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. God then decided to create a suitable helper for man, which was American James in this case. This decision was made solely by God, without any input or consultation from Adam. God’s intention was to ensure that man was not lonely and that he had a companion who was comparable and suitable for him. This highlights the fact that marriage was initiated by God as a way to fulfill and bless man, rather than being a result of man’s own desires or actions.
The concept of marriage being God’s idea is further emphasized by the fact that Adam did not approach God with his loneliness, nor did he suggest the need for a companion. It was solely God’s observation and decision to create a helper for man. This underscores the importance of seeking God’s guidance and wisdom in all aspects of marriage, as God’s ideas and principles are essential for a successful and fulfilling marriage. By aligning one’s marriage with the heart and mind of God, it ensures that the relationship is built on a solid foundation and is guided by divine wisdom.
Lastly, the belief that marriage is primarily for holiness rather than happiness may be a challenging concept for some individuals to grasp. However, the idea behind this belief is that marriage is intended to sanctify and refine individuals, helping them grow in their faith and character. While happiness is a natural byproduct of a healthy and God-centered marriage, the ultimate purpose is to lead individuals towards holiness and spiritual growth. By understanding and embracing this foundational belief, individuals can approach marriage with a deeper sense of purpose and commitment, focusing on building a relationship that is centered on God’s principles and values.
Ephesians chapter 5 provides a comprehensive understanding of the concept being discussed. The passage, specifically verses 25-27, emphasizes the importance of love and sanctification within the context of marriage. It highlights the sacrificial love that husbands are called to demonstrate towards their wives, drawing a parallel to the love Christ has for the church. The significance of sanctification is underscored, with the verse emphasizing the cleansing and purification of the church, mirroring the sanctification of the marital union. The passage also emphasizes the ultimate goal of marriage, which is to lead individuals towards holiness and spiritual growth.
The text delves into the deeper meaning of marriage, likening it to the union between Christ and the church. It elucidates the transformative nature of marriage, emphasizing that the end result of the union with Christ is holiness. This sheds light on the purpose of marriage, which is to facilitate personal growth and development. The passage conveys the idea that while marriage may not guarantee immediate happiness, it serves as a means for individuals to become better versions of themselves. It underscores the transformative process that individuals undergo within the context of marriage, highlighting the role of challenges and personal growth in achieving holiness.
Furthermore, the passage provides insights into the dynamics of marriage, emphasizing the role of mutual refinement and growth within the union. It underscores the idea that marriage serves as a refining process, akin to the use of sandpaper to smoothen and perfect rough surfaces. The analogy of sandpaper highlights the transformative nature of marriage, emphasizing the need for individuals to embrace the refining process in order to achieve holiness. The passage also offers practical advice for individuals in relationships, emphasizing the importance of addressing challenges and embracing personal growth before entering into marriage. Overall, the text provides a comprehensive understanding of the transformative nature of marriage and the pursuit of holiness within the marital union.
There are individuals who are currently not in a marital relationship due to their avoidance of potential conflicts and challenges that may arise in a partnership. For instance, during counseling sessions, some singles express concerns about encountering possessive behavior from their partners. They recount instances where their significant other would constantly check up on them, resembling a motherly figure rather than a romantic partner. This behavior can be off-putting for some individuals who value their independence and personal space. The fear of dealing with such possessiveness may deter them from committing to a long-term relationship.
Marriage, according to religious teachings, is viewed as a sacred union that should lead to personal growth and spiritual development. It is believed that through marriage, individuals can strive towards becoming better versions of themselves, embodying qualities such as holiness and righteousness. While aspects like romance, love, and happiness are important in a marriage, the ultimate goal is to align oneself with the divine purpose of achieving spiritual enlightenment and personal transformation. This perspective emphasizes the importance of focusing on spiritual growth and character development within the context of a marital relationship.
In the context of church teachings on marriage, there are three fundamental mindsets that guide individuals in their approach to relationships. These mindsets include the belief that marriage should lead to personal improvement, the understanding that spiritual growth is a key component of a successful marriage, and the recognition that happiness and love are byproducts of a union grounded in faith and commitment. Embracing these mindsets can help individuals navigate the complexities of marriage and build a strong foundation for their relationships. By aligning their beliefs with these principles, individuals can cultivate healthy and fulfilling partnerships that are rooted in shared values and spiritual growth.
Numerous marriages are currently facing challenges and falling apart due to the inability of the foundation to support the weight of the structure being built upon it. In Matthew chapter 7, verses 24-26, Jesus emphasized the importance of a strong foundation by comparing it to a wise man who built his house on a rock. This solid foundation allowed the house to withstand the rain, floods, and winds that beat against it, preventing it from collapsing. Similarly, in marriages, the storms of life such as conflicts, challenges, and difficulties can cause cracks and ultimately lead to a breakdown if the foundation is weak or nonexistent.
The lack of a strong foundation in marriages is a common reason why many couples are separating today. Without a solid base to build upon, the relationship becomes unstable and unable to withstand the pressures and trials that come with marriage. It is essential to pay attention to the foundation of a marriage, as it plays a crucial role in ensuring the longevity and stability of the relationship. A strong foundation provides the necessary support and resilience needed to weather the storms that may come along the way.
Building a good foundation is vital for the success of a marriage. For singles, it is crucial to focus on laying a solid foundation before entering into a relationship. For married couples, it is important to evaluate the current state of their foundation and take steps to strengthen it if necessary. A weak foundation will result in a fragile structure that is susceptible to collapse, while a strong foundation will provide stability and endurance. By examining and reinforcing the foundation of a marriage, couples can ensure that their relationship is built on a solid and lasting base.
The foundation required for a single-storey building is fundamentally different from the foundation needed for a five-storey building. It is crucial to understand that the foundation of a bungalow is not designed to support the weight and structure of a multi-storey building. This is a critical aspect of construction that must be carefully considered to ensure the safety and stability of the building. Without the appropriate foundation, the structural integrity of the building can be compromised, leading to potential risks and hazards in the future.
The importance of a strong foundation in a marriage is often compared to the foundation of a building. Just like in construction, the strength and durability of a marriage depend on the quality of its foundation. Questions such as how far you want to go, how long you want your marriage to last, and how happy you want it to be are all related to the foundation of the relationship. It is essential to establish a solid foundation based on trust, communication, and mutual respect to ensure a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
When issues arise in a building, such as cracks in the walls, it is crucial to understand the underlying cause of the problem. In civil engineering, cracks that propagate from the bottom up are often indicative of structural issues related to the foundation. Addressing these foundational problems is essential to prevent further damage and ensure the stability of the building. Using temporary solutions like wall crack fillers may mask the issue temporarily, but without addressing the root cause, the problem will persist and potentially worsen over time. In severe cases where the foundation is extremely weak, it may be necessary to demolish the building and start anew to ensure safety and longevity.
My team and I recently took the time to study and examine the tallest building in the world, which is currently the Burj Khalifa located in Dubai. Many of us have had the opportunity to visit Dubai, and it’s almost impossible to miss the Burj Khalifa, especially if you visited after its opening in January of 2010. The building features an observatory on approximately the 200th floor, providing a breathtaking view of the entire Emirates. The foundation of the Burj Khalifa is a remarkable feat of engineering, as it had to support the unprecedented height of the building. It’s important to understand that such structures don’t just grow tall and endure without the right foundation.
To support the unprecedented height of the Burj Khalifa, engineers developed a new structural system called The Buttressed Core. This system consists of a hexagonal core reinforced by three buttresses that form a Y shape. This unique foundation design allows the building to support itself laterally and prevents it from twisting. The building stands at an impressive height of 829.8 meters, with over 200 floors. The buttressed core was filled with approximately 192 piles, each with a diameter of 1.5 meters. This foundation design ensures that the building is well-supported and can withstand forces acting in different directions.
Studying the foundation of the Burj Khalifa provides valuable insight into the importance of structural stability and the engineering marvel behind such a monumental structure. The building’s foundation is a testament to the meticulous planning and execution required to create a stable and enduring structure. For engineers and those with an understanding of structures, the foundation of the Burj Khalifa is particularly fascinating. It’s a reminder that the right foundation is crucial for the stability and longevity of any structure, especially one as extraordinary as the Burj Khalifa.
Standing at approximately 1.7 meters tall, envision the height in diameter comparable to a GP tank used for storing water in households. These tanks typically hold around 2,000 to 5,000 liters of water. Each of the 892 pillars supporting the tallest building in the world extends 50 meters below sea level, ensuring the stability of the structure. This engineering feat represents a significant scientific advancement, showcasing the importance of a robust foundation in constructing towering buildings that can withstand various pressures and forces.
The significance of a strong foundation becomes evident when considering the construction of different types of buildings. While a bungalow may require a simpler approach involving laying blocks and minimal excavation, a structure like the Burj Khalifa demands meticulous planning and execution due to the immense weight it must support. The analogy drawn between building a bungalow and a skyscraper underscores the importance of tailoring the foundation to the specific needs and challenges posed by the intended structure.
Beyond the realm of construction, the metaphor of building a solid foundation extends to broader societal issues. The analogy is drawn between the weight borne by marriages today and the economic and social challenges faced by communities. In a world where definitions are constantly evolving, the reference to gender identity highlights the complexities and uncertainties that individuals grapple with in understanding themselves. Amidst these uncertainties, the speaker emphasizes the timeless wisdom found in religious texts, suggesting that a return to fundamental principles can provide clarity and guidance in navigating the complexities of modern life.
The current state of marriages is facing a significant challenge, akin to an impending storm. It is crucial for individuals to thoroughly examine the foundation upon which their relationships are built. This season demands heightened attention to the core values and principles that uphold a marriage. The external pressures are intensifying, exacerbated by the pervasive influence of the media and the omnipresence of the internet. Social networks have created a platform where individuals can easily succumb to temptation without even leaving the confines of their homes.
The generational gap becomes apparent when comparing the experiences of individuals with those of their parents. The advent of platforms like WhatsApp and other social media outlets has introduced a new dimension of pressure that previous generations did not have to contend with. The ease with which one can be exposed to external influences poses a significant threat to the stability of marriages. The rapid pace of change in the world today necessitates a reevaluation of the foundational principles that underpin relationships.
Building a strong foundation in a marriage is akin to constructing a sturdy structure like the Burj Khalifa. The vision one has for their family and the values they uphold determine the strength of the foundation. It is essential to surround oneself with individuals who share the same vision and values to ensure a successful and enduring relationship. Ignorance in matters of marriage can lead to detrimental consequences, akin to enlisting inexperienced individuals to build a towering structure. Therefore, it is imperative to seek wisdom and guidance from those who understand the intricacies of maintaining a strong and resilient foundation in marriage.
A solid foundation is crucial for any endeavor to succeed. It requires mastery, experienced support, and professionalism. In today’s fast-paced world, many individuals jump into major life decisions without considering the importance of a strong base. For instance, when planning a wedding, some couples focus solely on booking venues, hiring makeup artists, and selecting wedding dresses, neglecting the significance of pre-marital counseling. This lack of attention to foundational aspects can lead to issues down the road.
I once encountered a young man who approached me for mentorship in his photography business. He boasted about his top-notch skills and how clients would reschedule their wedding dates just to have him cover their events. This anecdote highlights a concerning trend in society where superficial factors like the hairstylist or makeup artist can influence major life decisions such as changing a wedding date. It is disheartening to see how easily people prioritize external appearances over foundational values like commitment and communication in relationships.
It is essential to reflect on the core values and vision for the future when embarking on a significant journey like marriage. While obtaining a marriage certificate may be a straightforward process, the real work lies in building a strong foundation for the relationship. Without a clear vision and understanding of the potential challenges that may arise, the marriage may struggle to withstand the test of time. It is crucial to prioritize foundational aspects and seek guidance from experienced individuals who can provide the necessary support and wisdom for a successful union.
Concluding today’s discussion, it is crucial to emphasize the three fundamental aspects of a strong foundation that one must focus on. Moving forward, it is essential to consider the significance of inviting your friends to church this month. By doing so, you are providing them with an opportunity to step away from their distractions and embrace the principles of building something enduring. Encouraging your friends to join you in church can lead to a deeper understanding of lasting values and beliefs.
When contemplating the decision of marriage, it is imperative to reflect on the process you are undertaking. Whether you are currently single and seeking a life partner or already in a committed relationship, the importance of prayer and seeking divine guidance cannot be overstated. It is essential to involve God in your decision-making process and seek His wisdom in choosing a life partner. By prioritizing spiritual discernment, you can ensure that your choices are aligned with God’s will.
Furthermore, maintaining a strong spiritual foundation within a marriage is vital for its longevity and strength. As you navigate the complexities of married life, it is crucial to assess the state of your spiritual connection with your partner. Establishing a family altar, praying together as a couple, and involving God in your marriage are key components of nurturing a solid spiritual foundation. By incorporating God into your marriage, you can create a bond that is resilient and enduring, guided by faith and shared values. Remember, a marriage built on a strong spiritual foundation is less likely to falter in the face of challenges.
The passage from the Song of Solomon, specifically chapter 5, verse 10, is a beautiful description of a beloved individual. The vivid imagery used in the scripture paints a picture of a man who is described as being white and ruddy, with features that are compared to precious materials and elements found in nature. The description of his head being like the finest gold, his locks wavy and black as a raven, and his eyes like doves by the rivers of waters washed with milk, all contribute to a poetic and romantic portrayal of this individual. The use of similes and metaphors in the passage adds depth and richness to the description, highlighting the beauty and allure of the beloved.
The mention of chemistry in relation to the description of the man in the scripture is intriguing. Chemistry, in this context, refers to the emotional and physical attraction that can exist between two individuals. It is described as a force that can bring out poetry and rhymes, bubbling within one’s system and leading to a transformative experience. The comparison to Adam’s reaction upon seeing Eve for the first time, where he was moved to poetic expression, further emphasizes the power of chemistry in igniting passion and desire between individuals. However, it is also noted that while chemistry can be intense and captivating, it should not be the sole foundation of a relationship.
The discussion on the transient nature of chemistry in relationships sheds light on the potential pitfalls of relying solely on this aspect to sustain a partnership. While chemistry can be a strong and compelling force, it is emphasized that a relationship built solely on chemistry may lack a solid foundation for long-term success. The warning against allowing chemistry to overshadow other important aspects of a relationship, such as shared values, communication, and mutual respect, serves as a cautionary tale against the dangers of prioritizing physical attraction over emotional connection. Ultimately, the passage highlights the importance of balance and mindfulness in navigating the complexities of chemistry within relationships to ensure a healthy and sustainable bond between individuals.
It is crucial to understand that building a successful marriage solely on chemistry is a risky endeavor. Chemistry, while important, is not a stable foundation for a lasting relationship. The initial spark and attraction may fade over time, leaving the couple with little else to sustain their marriage. Relying solely on chemistry can lead to disappointment and disillusionment when the initial excitement wanes.
When a couple focuses only on the physical aspects of their relationship, they are essentially laying a foundation based on fleeting emotions and superficial connections. Chemistry, like a chemical reaction, can be intense and explosive at first, but it is not sustainable in the long run. It is essential to build a marriage on a solid foundation of mutual respect, shared values, and emotional connection in order to weather the challenges and changes that come with time.
Additionally, allowing chemistry to overshadow other important aspects of a relationship can lead to unintended consequences, such as unplanned pregnancies and added complications. Bringing children into a marriage before the couple has had a chance to establish a strong foundation can create unnecessary stress and strain on the relationship. It is important to take the time to build a solid foundation based on trust, communication, and commitment before adding additional complexities to the marriage. By prioritizing a strong emotional connection and shared values, couples can create a lasting and fulfilling partnership that can withstand the test of time.
The third aspect to consider in relationships is the relational foundation. This foundation is crucial as it involves building a strong friendship with your partner. In the book of Songs of Solomon chapter 5 verse 16b, it is mentioned that his mouth is sweet and altogether lovely, signifying the importance of friendship in a relationship. It is not just about being in love, but also about being friends with your partner. This realization is essential for the growth and sustainability of a relationship.
Developing a friendship in a relationship is vital, whether it is at the initial stages of meeting someone or after being married for a few years. Sometimes, couples may realize that they got into marriage without establishing a strong friendship first. This can lead to challenges in the relationship as the foundation of friendship was not laid out properly. It is important to have open and honest conversations with your partner to address this issue and work towards building a strong friendship. Friendship is the pillar that supports the relationship and helps in navigating through the ups and downs of marriage.
It is crucial to understand that while love is essential in a relationship, friendship is equally important. Love may bring two people together, but it is friendship that sustains the relationship in the long run. Strengthening the spiritual foundation and the relational foundation is crucial for a healthy and lasting relationship. On the other hand, relying solely on the chemical aspect, such as physical attraction or chemistry, is not enough to sustain a relationship. It is essential to focus on building a strong friendship and spiritual connection to ensure a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.
Women often possess a deeper understanding of emotional connections and relationships, especially when it comes to chemistry between individuals.
They tend to be more intuitive and perceptive when it comes to sensing whether a relationship is genuine or simply physical. While men may sometimes overlook the emotional aspect and focus solely on physical attraction, women are more likely to recognize when a connection lacks depth and substance. This awareness allows them to make informed decisions about the direction of a relationship, avoiding potential pitfalls and misunderstandings.
It is crucial to acknowledge that true intimacy cannot be achieved through physical interactions alone. While some may believe that engaging in sexual activities can resolve relational issues, the reality is quite different. Genuine intimacy is built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and emotional connection. It requires a deep understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and boundaries. Without these essential elements, physical intimacy can only provide temporary satisfaction, lacking the depth and fulfillment that comes from a truly intimate relationship.
Building a strong friendship within a marriage or relationship is essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment. Friendship forms the basis of a healthy and lasting connection, allowing partners to communicate openly, support each other through challenges, and share meaningful experiences. Cultivating friendship involves spending quality time together, engaging in activities that both partners enjoy, and actively listening to each other’s thoughts and feelings. By prioritizing friendship in a relationship, couples can strengthen their bond, deepen their connection, and create a solid foundation for a fulfilling partnership.