LEAVE SO YOU CAN CLEAVE
In Genesis Chapter 2, specifically verses 24 and 25, we find profound insights regarding the nature of marital relationships. The text states that a man is to leave his father and mother, thereby establishing a new bond with his wife, to whom he will be united and cleave. This union is described as becoming one flesh, emphasizing the deep intimacy and connection that should exist between spouses. The passage further illustrates that both the man and his wife were naked and felt no shame in each other’s presence, highlighting the purity and openness that should characterize a loving relationship. It is essential to revisit this scripture to fully appreciate its significance, as it underscores the importance of leaving behind familial ties and embracing the new life that marriage entails.
As we reflect on this scripture, it is crucial to understand the implications of leaving one’s parents and the familiar comforts of home. This act signifies a transition from dependence to independence, where the couple forges their own identity and life together. The mention of being unembarrassed and unashamed in each other’s presence speaks to the trust and vulnerability that should be present in a healthy marriage. Despite any technical difficulties we may encounter today, let us remain steadfast in our faith and focus on the message at hand. I am excited to share insights on the theme of “leave so you can cleave,” which encapsulates the essence of building a strong and lasting marital bond.
It is essential to understand that the concept of leaving and cleaving is not merely a singular event but rather an ongoing process. Last Sunday, we discussed this notion, emphasizing that the act of leaving one’s parents and cleaving to a spouse is not confined to the moment of marriage. During a previous service, likely the one focused on married couples, I briefly touched upon this idea. When two individuals stand before the altar, they are united in matrimony, as articulated in the scriptures, where it is stated that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, resulting in the two becoming one flesh.
While the ceremony marks a significant milestone, it is crucial to recognize that this union is merely the beginning of a journey rather than the culmination of one.
When I officiate weddings, I often announce the newlyweds with great enthusiasm, celebrating their union with phrases such as “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” However, the essence of leaving and cleaving transcends the ceremonial aspects of the wedding day. It is akin to embarking on a journey from Lagos to Ibadan, a distance of approximately 120 kilometers. As we bid farewell to the departing couple, we are not celebrating their arrival in Ibadan but rather acknowledging the commencement of their journey. The success of their relationship hinges on their commitment to follow the right path together, ensuring that they navigate the complexities of life as a unified couple.
Many individuals hold a misconception regarding the nature of marriage, often believing that once they enter into this union, they will seamlessly bond as if they are two halves of a whole. This notion is frequently encapsulated in various sayings that suggest an effortless connection, such as the idea of being “five and six” or “six and nine.” However, the reality is that many singles approach dating with a similar mindset, where they equate shared interests—like a mutual love for spaghetti Bolognese or sponge cake—as indicators of a profound connection. They may return to their social circles, proclaiming that they have “clicked” with someone simply because they enjoy the same types of food or movies, such as romantic comedies. Yet, it is essential to recognize that the concept of soulmates transcends mere coincidence; it is a journey that unfolds over time rather than a singular event.
The process of “leaving and cleaving” is not instantaneous but rather a gradual evolution that requires effort and commitment. The journey toward becoming one with a partner necessitates time and preparation, which begins long before the wedding day. For those who are single, it is crucial to understand that this preparatory phase starts with taking responsibility for one’s own life. The ability to cleave effectively is contingent upon how well one prepares to leave their previous state of being. Therefore, the journey toward a successful marriage begins with personal growth and accountability, laying the groundwork for a healthy and lasting partnership.
It is imperative to reflect on whether one is genuinely preparing for this transition, as the foundation for a strong marital bond is built on individual readiness and maturity.
This morning, I wish to pose a significant question regarding your preparations for the future, particularly in relation to your marital destiny. As you engage in prayer and reflection about what lies ahead, it is crucial to consider whether you are actively preparing for that future marriage. For the purposes of this discussion, I will focus on the concept of relocation and the extent to which you are ready to embrace such a change. Many individuals who successfully navigate the challenges of relocation invest years in preparation. A few months ago, I had the privilege of speaking at the inaugural service of our church, the Elevate Community Church, located in the Greater Toronto Area. Following the service, I had the opportunity to interact with several members, including newcomers who had just joined us. The attendance that day was approximately 150 adults, and many stayed behind to share their experiences with me.
During these conversations, one individual expressed gratitude for the impact of my messages on his life, sharing his remarkable testimony of securing his dream job within just one week of arriving in Canada. Another woman recounted her success in obtaining a job in merely two weeks, both positions being with multinational companies. While these stories may initially seem miraculous, a deeper exploration revealed that both individuals had taken the time to adequately prepare for their relocation. They sought out the right information, asking pertinent questions about job acquisition in Canada and strategies for a smooth transition. They engaged with the appropriate networks, including joining relevant WhatsApp groups that facilitated their progress. In contrast, it is essential to recognize that not all social media groups contribute positively to one’s growth; many may simply circulate trivial content that does not foster meaningful advancement or the infusion of wisdom.
In contemporary discussions on social media platforms like Twitter, users are often presented with a warning prior to viewing certain images, a feature designed to enhance user experience and safety. This practice reflects a broader trend where individuals are increasingly mindful of the implications of their actions, particularly when sharing personal narratives. As I listened to various testimonies, it became evident that many individuals invest considerable effort in preparing for significant life changes, such as marriage. This transition can be likened to a relocation, where one must move from their previous state of being to a new one. Such a transformation necessitates thorough preparation across multiple dimensions: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. To truly embrace this new chapter, one must engage in thoughtful planning, which may include financial savings, packing belongings, and even letting go of certain possessions, especially when the move signifies a permanent change.
Moreover, it is crucial to recognize that some individuals approach marriage without adequate preparation, often harboring thoughts of potential divorce even before the union begins. This mindset can lead to a lack of commitment, as if they anticipate a return to their previous life, akin to being deported for misbehavior. This phenomenon contributes to the rising divorce rates, as the underlying principles governing relationships may compel individuals who are unprepared to revert to their original state. The adage “you reap what you sow” holds true in this context; the outcomes of one’s actions are indicative of their intentions and readiness. Just as one would not expect to find oranges on a mango tree, individuals must acknowledge their true nature and the fruits they bear, understanding that the quality of their relationships is a reflection of their preparedness and commitment to the journey ahead.
Jesus articulated that one can discern the true nature of individuals by observing their actions and outcomes. It is essential to recognize that if one is not actively preparing or taking steps toward their goals, they are essentially leaving their future to chance. In the context of relocation, it may be necessary to evaluate and dispose of certain assets or emotional baggage that could hinder progress. When embarking on a journey, one often encounters customs and border control, where individuals are asked if they have anything to declare. Those with items to declare must proceed through a designated area, while those without such items can move through a different path. This analogy extends to life, where many individuals carry excessive baggage—both literal and metaphorical—that complicates their journey.
Frequent travelers often opt for light packing, bringing only essential items to facilitate a smooth experience. This practice serves as a metaphor for life, where individuals may find themselves burdened by past relationships or unresolved issues. The image of Nigerians at baggage claims, often recognized for their tendency to exceed luggage allowances, illustrates how excess baggage can create challenges. This message serves as a reminder to declutter one’s emotional and relational life.
For instance, if one desires a new relationship but is still emotionally tied to past connections, it can lead to confusion and misinterpretation.
When a new partner communicates, their words may be filtered through the lens of previous experiences, resulting in distorted perceptions. It is crucial to address and release this excess baggage to foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
To illustrate the concept being discussed, consider a scenario involving a woman named Janet and a man named James who are on their first dinner date. During their conversation, James predominantly focuses on sharing details about himself. However, as he speaks, Janet processes his words through the lenses of her past experiences, particularly those involving two individuals named Peter and Abraham. Janet’s dating history spans various religious and socioeconomic backgrounds, having been involved with both affluent and less fortunate partners, including Hausa Muslims and Yoruba Christians. This diverse background leads her to interpret James’s narrative through multiple filters, complicating her understanding of their budding relationship. The challenge arises when she finds it difficult to make sense of their connection, as her past experiences and emotional baggage create a complex web of perceptions that she must navigate.
In light of this complexity, it becomes essential to reflect on what emotional baggage one should carry into a marriage and what should be left behind. The Apostle Paul, in his writings, emphasizes the importance of maturity, stating that he once thought and acted like a child, but upon reaching adulthood, he set aside childish behaviors. This notion of emotional maturity is crucial, as it suggests that the issues at hand are not merely a matter of age but rather of emotional development. The discussion highlights the existence of various emotional stages, including emotional infants, children, adolescents, and adults. To aid in this self-assessment, a questionnaire was distributed to help individuals evaluate their emotional maturity, encouraging them to confront and address the underlying issues that may affect their relationships.
The discussion surrounding emotional maturity and its implications for personal relationships is crucial, particularly as it pertains to the transition into marriage. It is essential to recognize that individuals may exhibit varying levels of emotional development, which can significantly influence their interactions and commitments. Pastor Debo Omotunde, who leads our Mainland Center, delivered an insightful sermon on this topic recently, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness in understanding one’s emotional state. It is vital for individuals to engage with introspective questions that can reveal whether they are operating from a place of emotional immaturity. This awareness is not merely an academic exercise; it serves as a foundation for healthier relationships, ensuring that childish behaviors do not infiltrate the sanctity of marriage.
In the realm of personal habits, the dichotomy between hoarding and compulsive decluttering presents another layer of complexity in relationships. My wife and I exemplify this contrast; I tend to hold onto items, believing they may serve a purpose in the future, while she prefers to maintain a minimalist environment by discarding unnecessary belongings. For instance, the jacket I am wearing today has been in my possession for six years, a testament to my inclination to retain certain items. Conversely, my wife may not have clothing that has lingered in her wardrobe for such an extended period, as she actively seeks to eliminate clutter. This difference in perspective can lead to misunderstandings, as I do not view my behavior as hoarding but rather as a sentimental attachment to certain possessions. Ultimately, the emotional connections we form with our belongings can be profound, as illustrated by the example of a cherished handbag that a woman may keep for decades, despite its age.
The physical example I provided serves as a metaphor for our emotional responses to various experiences. Consider an event that caused you pain fifteen years ago; rather than discarding it entirely, you might choose to acknowledge its presence, clean it up, and place it in a designated space in your life. This illustrates the importance of recognizing our emotional history while preparing to move forward. However, embarking on this journey requires a thorough examination of our emotional state to avoid the pitfalls of excessive attachment to past experiences. It is not merely about decluttering; rather, it involves a thoughtful reassessment of what we carry with us, determining which elements are essential for our growth and which should be left behind.
Baggage, in this context, refers to the weight of past experiences or long-held beliefs that hinder our progress. To clarify, baggage encompasses those memories and ideas that we perceive as burdensome. It is crucial to identify and release these burdens to facilitate personal development. For instance, I recall a poignant encounter from my time at Daystar Christian Centre, where a woman came to me for counseling shortly after my own wedding. She was visibly distressed, having just marked her tenth wedding anniversary, yet her husband had been absent for two days. This situation exemplifies how past experiences, such as witnessing a troubled marriage, can become emotional baggage that we must confront and ultimately decide to leave behind in order to foster healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
He has yet to make a phone call, and there has been no acknowledgment of our anniversary. His refusal to return home has left me feeling isolated, as he seems to be preoccupied with his own pursuits. This situation has led to a growing sense of frustration within me. In the midst of this turmoil, she began to share her experiences from the past decade, which was intended to be a moment for me to provide her with guidance. I was meant to help her navigate her burdens and ensure they do not hinder her progress. I inquired about how she was managing her challenges and whether she was aligning her understanding with biblical teachings. Additionally, I emphasized the importance of recognizing how far one might be from their ideals, particularly in relation to misguided beliefs.
Misconceptions can significantly distort one’s understanding of critical concepts such as love, respect, and submission within the context of marriage. Many enter into marital commitments without fully clarifying the meanings of these terms, which can lead to dire consequences. For example, some individuals remain trapped in abusive relationships due to a flawed interpretation of submission. A man may return home intoxicated, verbally abuse his partner, and demand unreasonable actions, all while the partner clings to the belief that submission is paramount. As a pastor, I would advise that the following day should involve a serious discussion about the untenable nature of such a relationship. If the husband is unresponsive, it is crucial to involve family or trusted individuals who can intervene. Misunderstanding the concept of submission can have fatal repercussions, and while one may be honored in the afterlife, it is essential to recognize that such a fate was not part of God’s plan; rather, it stemmed from a misinterpretation of one’s responsibilities within a marriage.
In order for an individual to engage in actions without expressing any form of discontent or attempting to rectify a situation, it is essential that the person is entirely under the guidance and influence of a higher power, specifically God.
It is inconceivable for someone to be fully under the sway of malevolent forces while simultaneously submitting to them through another individual. This raises a critical point regarding the concept of submission within the context of marriage. If one holds a misguided understanding of what it means to submit, it can lead to dangerous situations, such as allowing harmful practices to infiltrate the home under the guise of marital duty. The question arises: at what point does submission lead one to transgress boundaries that the love of God is meant to protect? While time may be limited, it is crucial to grasp the implications of these ideas, as they can significantly impact one’s spiritual and relational well-being.
Furthermore, there exists a prevalent misconception that a man must be the sole provider for the household, which is fundamentally flawed. This belief often elicits strong reactions, particularly in certain cultural contexts where traditional gender roles are deeply entrenched. It is important to clarify that the biblical assertion regarding a man who fails to provide for his family being worse than an infidel is frequently misinterpreted. The scripture does not advocate for an absolute expectation that men must bear the entire financial burden alone. In fact, the Apostle Paul, in his correspondence with Timothy, emphasizes the importance of treating individuals—both older and younger—with respect and dignity, highlighting the need for a balanced approach to familial responsibilities. This perspective encourages a more equitable distribution of roles within the family unit, fostering an environment where both partners can contribute to the well-being of the household.
In verse 4, it is stated that if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn to demonstrate their devotion at home by caring for their parents, as this is commendable and pleasing in the sight of God. It is emphasized that not all widows are required to attend church; those with children and grandchildren are encouraged to prioritize their responsibilities at home. Verse 5 highlights that a true widow, one who is genuinely alone, places her trust in God and remains steadfast in prayer and supplication both day and night. Such widows are deemed worthy of receiving support from the church, while those who indulge in a life of pleasure are described as spiritually dead despite being physically alive. Verse 7 instructs that these matters should be communicated clearly to ensure that individuals remain blameless, and verse 8 warns that anyone who fails to provide for their own family, particularly their household, has renounced their faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Furthermore, verse 9 specifies that widows under the age of 60 should not be included in the church’s support list unless they have been faithful to one husband. The discussion remains focused on the topic of widows up to verse 12, providing clear guidelines regarding their eligibility for assistance. It is important to clarify that while the text addresses widows, it does not imply that men should neglect their familial responsibilities. A prevalent misconception exists in contemporary society, particularly in a dual-income household, where it is often assumed that a woman can freely manage her finances while the man bears the full burden of expenses such as school fees and rent. This misunderstanding has led many single women to enter marriage viewing themselves as projects to be managed by men. When a woman presents herself in this manner, she risks being treated as an object rather than an equal partner, leading to a dynamic where, if the relationship deteriorates, she may be discarded like an unwanted piece of furniture.
In a partnership defined by mutual destiny, it is essential to recognize the importance of shared contributions and responsibilities within a relationship. When one partner engages in significant financial endeavors, such as purchasing land or property, it raises questions about the inclusivity of the other partner in these decisions. If a woman enters a marriage with the mindset that she is merely an acquisition or a project for her partner, it can lead to a dynamic where her contributions are undervalued. It is crucial for women to understand that they are not just supporting characters in someone else’s narrative; rather, they possess their own destinies to fulfill. This perspective fosters a collaborative environment where both partners work together to achieve their individual and collective goals.
Moreover, the dynamics of control often manifest in traditional expectations, particularly in certain cultural contexts. The notion that a woman should vacate a shared home during conflicts underscores a deeper issue regarding the perception of ownership and partnership. If both partners view themselves as equal contributors to the relationship, the narrative shifts significantly. In such cases, it is not solely the man who holds authority; rather, both individuals share the responsibility for their home and finances. This equitable approach not only enhances the partnership but also allows for a more profound understanding of each other’s roles. When both partners are gainfully employed and actively participating in the household, they create multiple avenues for divine provision, thereby enriching their shared life together.
I am committed to covering all financial obligations, and it is essential to understand my motivation for doing so. My desire to contribute financially stems from a deeper aspiration to engage in meaningful work and to fulfill my life’s purpose. This journey may be influenced by various factors, including my responsibilities towards my children. It is important to recognize that women possess unique gifts and callings, and many have achieved remarkable success in their careers. For instance, during a recent conversation with my wife, we discussed Mrs. Alakija, who is often regarded as one of the wealthiest women in Africa. Her accomplishments serve as a testament to the potential for women to attain significant wealth and influence, challenging the notion that financial success is limited by gender.
Moreover, it is crucial to acknowledge the mindset that can hinder personal growth and responsibility. When individuals believe they are not accountable for their circumstances, they may fail to push themselves toward greater achievements. This is particularly relevant for women preparing for marriage, as they should strive to be a source of support and encouragement in their partner’s journey. It is vital to reflect on these ideas, as new concepts often require time to integrate into one’s understanding. I encourage everyone to contemplate these thoughts and engage in self-reflection, especially those who may be grappling with the implications of what I have shared. Additionally, it is imperative to identify and abandon unproductive behaviors, such as poor financial management and unhealthy habits, as these can impede future success. It is unrealistic to expect a seamless transition into marriage while maintaining detrimental practices, particularly regarding financial stewardship.
It is essential to recognize the significant impact that financial obligations can have on a marriage. I have encountered numerous individuals within this church who entered into matrimony while burdened by debt, and unfortunately, this has led to the deterioration of their relationships. I recall a specific couple whose union ultimately dissolved due, in part, to the financial liabilities that one partner brought into the marriage. It is crucial to approach marriage with a sense of responsibility; if you find yourself in debt at this moment, it is imperative to resolve these financial issues before committing to a lifelong partnership. Striving to be an asset rather than a liability in a marriage should be a priority, and if you have made purchases that are causing you stress as your wedding approaches, consider selling those items to alleviate the burden. Entering into marriage with unresolved financial issues can hinder the blessings that may come your way, leading to feelings of disappointment and questioning of divine faithfulness.
Moreover, it is vital to address the topic of sexual activity prior to marriage. If you are actively engaging in sexual relationships while preparing for marriage, you may be complicating your journey. The concept of “leaving and cleaving” can be likened to the process of using super glue, which requires careful preparation for optimal results. Just as the instructions for super glue emphasize the importance of using compatible materials and ensuring that surfaces are clean, so too must individuals entering marriage ensure they are emotionally and spiritually prepared. This involves allowing time for personal growth and healing, as well as establishing a strong foundation for the relationship. By taking these steps, couples can create a more solid bond, ensuring that their union is built on mutual respect and understanding, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling marital experience.
In essence, it is crucial to recognize that one cannot engage in promiscuous behavior and simultaneously expect to form a meaningful connection with another individual. The notion that one can maintain a “dirty” lifestyle and still forge a genuine bond is fundamentally flawed. This is particularly true when both parties involved are also engaging in similar behaviors. The biblical text emphasizes the sanctity of the body, stating that our bodies are members of Christ. It poses a rhetorical question about whether one should unite the members of Christ with those of a harlot, firmly asserting that such an act is unacceptable. The scripture further elucidates that those who join themselves with a harlot become one body with her, while those who unite with the Lord become one spirit with Him. This distinction underscores the gravity of sexual immorality, which is portrayed as a sin that uniquely impacts the body, setting it apart from other transgressions.
Moreover, the scripture highlights the importance of recognizing one’s body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, emphasizing that individuals are not their own but have been purchased at a price. This understanding calls for a life that glorifies God through both body and spirit, which belong to Him. In contemporary society, many singles grapple with the desire to indulge in their impulses while simultaneously seeking a committed relationship. When messages about sexual purity are preached, some may dismiss them as outdated, questioning how one can navigate relationships without physical intimacy. However, dating and courtship should be viewed as opportunities to cultivate self-control and discipline. The challenge lies in resisting the urge to succumb to physical desires, thereby reinforcing the need for personal growth and spiritual maturity within the context of a Christian relationship.
The journey of personal transformation is a significant undertaking, particularly when one aspires to experience a genuine rebirth in character and behavior. This process requires diligent self-reflection and commitment, akin to the discipline needed when navigating the complexities of life, such as being away on a business trip after marriage. A friend of mine once traveled to China for a corporate engagement, where he was presented with a list of activities that included socializing with women. Recognizing the potential challenges this posed to his integrity, he reached out to me, expressing his concerns and requesting my support through prayer. His proactive approach highlights the importance of accountability and the need for spiritual fortitude in maintaining one’s values in the face of temptation.
It is imperative to acknowledge that if an individual struggles to practice celibacy for a mere six months prior to marriage, there exists a substantial risk of infidelity once wed. This assertion is not merely a personal opinion but a conviction I stand by resolutely. The foundation of a successful marriage is built on self-control and sacrifice, as emphasized in Ephesians 5, where husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church, even to the point of self-sacrifice. If one cannot exercise restraint over their sexual desires, they may inadvertently create an environment of unhappiness and distrust within the marriage. The ability to forgo personal cravings for a period is a testament to one’s commitment to being a reliable partner, capable of fostering a relationship devoid of emotional or financial betrayal. This discussion is crucial not only for those within the church but for anyone seeking to understand the dynamics of a healthy and enduring marriage.
The journey of personal transformation is a significant undertaking, particularly when one aspires to experience a genuine rebirth in character and behavior. This process requires diligent self-reflection and commitment, akin to the discipline needed when navigating the complexities of life, such as being away on a business trip after marriage. A friend of mine once traveled to China for a corporate engagement, where he was presented with a list of activities that included socializing with women. Recognizing the potential challenges this posed to his integrity, he reached out to me, expressing his concerns and requesting my support through prayer. His proactive approach highlights the importance of accountability and the need for spiritual fortitude in maintaining one’s values in the face of temptation.
It is imperative to acknowledge that if an individual struggles to practice celibacy for a mere six months prior to marriage, there exists a substantial risk of infidelity once wed. This assertion is not merely a personal opinion but a conviction I stand by resolutely. The foundation of a successful marriage is built on self-control and sacrifice, as emphasized in Ephesians 5, where husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church, even to the point of self-sacrifice. If one cannot exercise restraint over their sexual desires, they may inadvertently create an environment of unhappiness and distrust within the marriage. The ability to forgo personal cravings for a period is a testament to one’s commitment to being a reliable partner, capable of fostering a relationship devoid of emotional or financial betrayal. This discussion is crucial not only for those within the church but for anyone seeking to understand the dynamics of a healthy and enduring marriage.
The journey of personal transformation, particularly in the context of spiritual rebirth, necessitates a significant commitment to self-improvement. This process is akin to the discipline required when navigating the complexities of life, such as maintaining fidelity during a business trip after marriage. A friend of mine once traveled to China for a corporate engagement, where the itinerary included various leisure activities, some of which involved the presence of women. He reached out to me during his trip, expressing his concerns about the temptations he faced and requested my prayers to bolster his resolve. This scenario underscores the importance of accountability and the need for steadfastness in one’s convictions, particularly when confronted with challenging situations.
It is imperative to recognize that if an individual struggles to practice celibacy for a mere six months prior to marriage, there exists a substantial risk of infidelity once wed. I stand firmly by this assertion and am prepared to defend it publicly. The foundation of a successful marriage is rooted in self-control and sacrifice, as emphasized in Ephesians 5, which instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, even to the point of self-sacrifice. If one cannot exercise restraint over their sexual desires, they may inadvertently cause distress within the marriage. The ability to forgo personal cravings for a period is a testament to one’s commitment to being a reliable partner, capable of fostering a harmonious and trustworthy relationship, free from emotional or financial betrayal. This principle is crucial for anyone aspiring to build a lasting and fulfilling marital bond.